just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
