The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
