mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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