Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
