thus making me awesome and them whores
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Randomize
