mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
