Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
