She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
