And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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