so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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