It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize