"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
we should paint friendship bongs
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
