don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
