WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize