Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
