the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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