He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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