dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize