sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Randomize
