If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
