Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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