If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Vodka?
Forever.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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