Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
