You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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