I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
