My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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