I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
