did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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