I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
