Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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