this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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