i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
