That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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