I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
