Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
