The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize