And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
