im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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