I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
