I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
