Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
