need another drink. this is the easiest way
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm going to jail i love you
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
