I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
