somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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