So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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