Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
