Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
