we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
