The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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