so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
