Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
