I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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