I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
