yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
