If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize