We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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