I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
