i wish my penis had a tongue
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
