Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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