my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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