Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
