im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
