I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
