I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sext me about skeletons
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
