if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize