I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Who died my cat blue again?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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