how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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