I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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