So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
