I'm going to jail i love you
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
