So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
