i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I skipped work to stalk him.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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