I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
