i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize