Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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