why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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