Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
