So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize