You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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