This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize